You know what I realized recently while dealing with my postpartum depression/anxiety? The paradox of having to find a therapist when you need it, but not having the mental strength to find one when you need it. In those first two to three months postpartum, I was a hot mess. Sleep deprived. Exhausted. Feeling inept. Anxious. Depressed. So much more. There was no way I had the presence of mind to find a therapist, much less reach out for help. Yes, my husband could’ve helped, but he was busy working and helping take care of the baby and everything around the house while I was recovering from my c-section.
Also, finding a therapist is like finding a good doctor, dentist, mechanic, and so on. You have to find one that takes your insurance (ideally) and do your research. Even then, finding a good fit could take trial and error. The thought of having to meet and deal with different therapists during those times was completely overwhelming for me. Only when I was better and less stressed did I start the process.
While I would’ve appreciated the help earlier, going through the process in a clearer mindset was definitely better. Apparently, postpartum depression generally isn’t a specialty you can sort by, either through my insurance company’s website or psychologytoday.com. That was amazing to me, considering how many people went through it. I was also looking specifically for a psychologist – I didn’t want a psychiatrist who might lean towards prescribing medication (although I understand that PPD tends to deal with a hormonal imbalance and medication could help). Most therapists on Postpartum Support International’s website tended to be marriage and family therapy people (not psychologists). Also, not surprisingly, a lot of them were backlogged due to increased mental health needs during this pandemic.
Maybe I should’ve leaned on my husband more to at least start the process and give me options? Postpartum Support International had counselors that helped get me a list of some to start with, but I would’ve still wanted to do my own research instead of accepting their choices blindly. It’s so hard trying to find one, and we’ll see how long it takes for me to find one that’ll work for me! Kudos to anybody reading this who went through the process during your deepest hours and survived.
Miuzing 