Something I’ve always found annoying, even though people do it with the best of intentions, is that people like to give you unsolicited advice throughout pregnancy and parenthood. Don’t get me wrong – I catch myself doing it every once in a while too, though I try not to. It’s not so much the advice I mind, but the tone and the thought that their way is best. Or they give a tip like you’re a horrible parent if you don’t do what they say. It’s hard enough being a parent without someone making you feel like you’re a bad one.
For instance, I was actively exercising while pregnant. I know it isn’t common (I would be jogging for an hour, multiple days a week), but I made sure to constantly check in with my doctor to make sure it was fine. My (now ex) mother-in-law couldn’t help but comment and suggest it wasn’t good for the baby. Even after I mentioned that I have already checked in with the doctor and regularly check in. She constantly made “jokes” about it throughout my pregnancy, which was amazingly frustratingly and annoying. What’s worse is that my father-in-law joined in too. My pregnancy had a lot of scares and things in it that I didn’t share with them – so frankly, I was PISSED when they even made hints that I wasn’t making the best decisions for my baby.
People also give advice on things like nursing, feeding the baby, and nap schedules. If you’ve ever had a baby, you’d know that each one is unique. Yes, there are recommendations, but each situation for the parent and baby is different. For instance, breastfeeding is HARD and not all mothers can do it for a variety of reasons. Yet, so many people try to shame mothers that don’t nurse their baby, or give them facts about why nursing is important. As someone who had a really hard time nursing and then feeling the crushing guilt of not being to produce enough, trust me – we moms who have to supplement or can’t nurse know how important nursing is. We’re not all trying to put convenience over our baby’s health. I’m glad to see that things are changing to not mom shame these people – fed is best!
Then there are people who tell you not to put your baby’s schedule ahead of yours and your relationship. I also feel like this is a personal decision. If I want to allow my baby to have a consistent nap schedule and want to plan my day around that, I should be allowed to. On the other hand, if I don’t want to, that’s also my choice. As for my relationship with my husband? Frankly, how can you know what’s best for our relationship? A lot of things my hubs and I choose in our relationship isn’t conventional, but I feel we’re stronger because we chose not to buckle under society’s pressures and expectations.
Granted, there may be some situations where unasked for advice might be needed – such as if there’s something that may cause extreme harm to a child/baby. It is a slippery slope though, since what some people may think is harmful may not seem so to others. I tend to keep my mouth shut unless I think whatever is happening may land the child in the hospital – that’s my bar.
In the end, it’d be nice, as Kristina Kuzmic says, if people just minded their own motherhood! I’m not saying you can’t have opinions or judge how other people raise their kids – I’m just saying you should keep it to yourself. I, personally, try to word any advice (if requested) more on “this is what worked for me” versus “this is what you should do”. Ah well, thanks for coming to my rant!
Miuzing 