Stop Asian Hate

I think I’m finally ready to discuss a bit of my thoughts on the incident in Atlanta. It’s been eye-opening to see how many non-Asians were surprised or shocked, as if it came out of nowhere. It didn’t. Even before COVID, we’ve seen it – though in more subtle ways. With COVID being called the Chinese flu, among other things, such acts became even more violent.

I’m in a local mom group and NOBODY has said anything. I know there’s a ton of Asian moms in that group too, which makes me feel like none of us thinks it’s a safe space to talk about race.

I’m also upset that it took this FINALLY for media is doing something. It didn’t hit too mainstream when a Filipino man died by a choke hold recently, just like George Floyd. Or when so many of our elders were attacked across the country.

My father-in-law – great guy – checked in with us because he was worried about me and my son. I appreciate the thought, but I wanted to respond, well, glad you’re finally worried now, when I’ve been worried about this for ages. I had a moment last year where i turned to my husband and went “I’m not sure we should’ve brought a kid into this world. What will he face?” It’s something I’ve always been worried about. I would say San Diego is a fairly welcoming place generally for most races and ethnicities. However, in September, one of my own friends, at a Starbucks had her son called the “N” word (though they’re Asian). It’s scary. And it can happen anywhere.

I’m fortunately that I live in a generally welcoming community. However, my own hubs was shocked to hear that there are some places where I feel uncomfortable that he would’ve never guessed. We’ve been together for 12 years. Sometimes, I think it’s easier to be comfortable in your own skin and to ignore what other people think if you’re not being constantly looked at sideways. Sometimes by non-Asians in places where there aren’t a lot of Asians. Sometimes by your own because you’re in a mixed race relationship. Does it stop me from making the decisions I’ve made? Or be ashamed of my husband? No. But it doesn’t make it easy either.

Now, the incident in Atlanta finally brought up the discrimination and such Asians face mainstream. After a year of increased hate incidents. After our communities have already kept our kids at home, not just because of shutdowns, but because of fear of bullying because of the virus. After people in my Asian mom group have had to discuss how best to protect ourselves, our kids, and our parents. And even then, people don’t believe that Asians face discrimination. Or they say, Asians are racist too – as if that excuses the horrid incident that happened. Do I think Asians are racist? Real talk – yes. Against each other. Against other races. But I also believe that our generation and future ones are working hard to change that. I hear “well, where were Asians during BLM?” A lot of us were right there marching and working to bring attention to matters. But guess what? Media doesn’t want to show minorities standing up for each other. And shouting that “look, we’re helping!” takes away from the importance of minorities sticking up for themselves. I’ve heard “Well, Asians aren’t good at speaking up for themselves. If this has been happening for a while, they need to do more to bring attention to it.” While there is some truth to this, it is also amazingly insensitive. As well as feeding into the stereotype that Asians are docile and won’t speak up for themselves. Do I think we need to mobilize? Yes. Will it be easy? No.

In the end, I’m left sad. About the deaths. About the purposeful ignorance of others in thinking Asians are great as the “model minority” and don’t need anything. I’m upset. Because NOW you’re worried? And what are you going to do? Just say words? I’m tired. Tired of explaining all of this. Of explaining how throughout American history, Asians have faced racism and discrimination. Of explaining how the model minority myth hurts Asians and how it was there to put down other minorities. But – not speaking up won’t fix things.

I hope everybody stays safe. Go hug a loved one. Make an effort to hear someone else’s story. And if you’re anxious and worried, know that there’s a community out there to support you.