You know how sometimes you’re going through something, and people will say encouraging things in an effort to help, but it really doesn’t? That happened a few times to me in the last month. One of the things that I know is supposed to be encouraging is the whole “you’re so strong to be able to get through this”. But, you know what? I’d much rather NOT be strong and never have to experience the bad things in life.
This was said to me in reference to me trying to overcome depression, as well as dealing with my miscarriage/termination for medical reasons (TFMR). But what people don’t realize when they say something like that is that I would easily choose to be seen as weaker if it meant I was still pregnant. Or if I never experienced depression. I do believe experiencing those things has made me more empathetic than I ever was before. Because some things you really can’t imagine until you’ve been in their shoes.
For me, TFMR was so hard. It’s almost alienating, because you feel like everybody else around you is having happy, healthy babies. Your partner can’t truly understand. Mine mentally checked out from thinking about the baby when we got our first result, though he was supportive of me waiting for the second result before moving forward with any procedure. But, how can you talk to someone who doesn’t have the same emotional connection and feeling as you? Sometimes, I still get phantom feelings that there’s still a baby in me, moving around. And it breaks my heart each time, all over again. Can I pull through and not break down? Yes. Does it make me strong? I guess. Would I rather not have learned about that strength? 100% yes.
So, whatever you’re experiencing out there, the only thing I have to say is, try not to give up. I hope you make it through whatever you’re going through but I’m sorry you’ve ever had to experience it in the first place.
Miuzing 